There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
