take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
