Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
