I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
