dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
