She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
