I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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