dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
