Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
