i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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