Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
