Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
