Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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