God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
