So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
