she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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