I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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