Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
