Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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