We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
