oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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