I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
