I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
FUCK WHALES
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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