Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
