im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
