Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
