you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
