Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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