I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
