Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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