wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
