happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
