I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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