I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
