P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Randomize
