I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
