The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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