Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
