I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
