I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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