my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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