Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
