the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
