Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
