hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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