You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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