Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
