I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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