We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
