what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
