Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
