the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
