Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
