I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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