I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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